The following communication rules can improve problem solving:
State your problem and interests. Speak with “I” statements. Acknowledge the other’s problem and interests. Avoid name calling and answering a complaint with another complaint.
Listen to the other parties and know their interests. Ask “why,” “why not” and “what if” questions to better understand. Use silence to demonstrate you are willing to listen or to help move the other side into a position to listen more effectively to you.
Offer an apology when appropriate.
Stay in the present and the future. The past has already been lived.
Stick to the present topic.
Look for areas of agreement.
Set the time for the next discussion and take a time out if the discussion deteriorates.
Use mutual restating until a party who continues to feel misunderstood feels understood appropriately.
State requests for change in behavioral terms. Don’t ask for changes in attitude or feeling just to be different.
Consistently express verbal and body messages. If negative feelings must be expressed, only use words. Show confidence in the process, relax, use good eye contact and show interest.